drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
