i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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