found the other keg... it's in the tree
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
