If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize