come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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