First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
