stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
