My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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