He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
