she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
