when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
