Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
