I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
