I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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