called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
