Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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