i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
