thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
