y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
