Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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