I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
