so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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