why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
