Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
