You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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