I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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