eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
