dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
