Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
