Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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