I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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