you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
