Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
