If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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