Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
