I think im going to throw up on grandma
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
