I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
