I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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