That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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