You can't motorboat a personality
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
