Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
