It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
