youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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