I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
