i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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