Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
