let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
A bitchslap is in order.
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