proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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