I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
