I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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