yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
