so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
