Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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