I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
