I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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