Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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