Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
