She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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