Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
zippers are such a cool invention
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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