I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
