finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
