Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
