he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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