Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Jerry, you need to find god
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
