it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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