So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
