She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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