I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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