Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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