addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
