please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
