I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
