Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
