i don't like sucking hair
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
