hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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